WYG Day 1 prompt

 WYG Day 1 Prompt

I’M TAKING THIS COURSE ON WRITING MY GRIEF, BUT I’M NOT GOING TO WRITE ABOUT…

I am not going to write about how I know everything about grief, because before, I kind of acted like I did. The more I learn about the dysfunction of our society regarding grief, the more I realized before when I thought I was being open and honest and empathic, I realized I wasn’t. I was probably doing more harm than good.

But I am also not going to write about those times, because first, it’s in the past, and I cannot do anything to make those things be different. I certainly can apologize to people, and there are a couple I might apologize to, for stepping on their grief with my own stories that I felt were going to help them, but instead took the spotlight off of them. I am not going to kick myself for not knowing, because honestly, how was I to know what a deep ocean grief could be? How could I fathom its depths, its dark, unexplore caverns, filled with who knows what. 

Are there monsters there? Are there things of beauty and horror? How will I know unless i go there?

Second, I don’t want to take the spotlight off my own grief at this time; I don’t want to compare grief to grief.

People say that it could be worse, there are people who suffer far worse, but comparing suffering and grief to the suffering and grief of other people is not helpful at all. It starts a spiral of feeling worse and worse about not griefing or suffering correctly because others have it worse. 

God, I hope not! I hope no one has it worse than me. I hope that no one ever has to suffer a fraction of the loss, the grief and the suffering. 

So I am not going to write about those things. I am going to keep my eyes on my own grief, while being welcoming and open to the grief of the others in the group. 

I have been seeing a lot of people writing about how they want to see who they are on the other side of this, and I want to see that too. I want to see who this one becomes, not only because of the grief I feel for Sarah, Lula and Tyler, but also I want to see how who they are and were make me a different person. A better person, even if it’s only because I got to know them and love them.

I am concerned I am getting dangerously close to dysfunction when I think things like that, because that feels like I am trying to see the good in something as horrible as this. I don’t think that’s what I’m doing, but I am trying to make good on who they were, the beautiful, amazing, funny, world changing people they were. I want to honor who they were by taking who they are and were and making it more of who I am.

I want to think about and explore this idea more, but my time is almost up. I will come back to this, one of my underwater caves in my ocean of grief. Something is there. What will I find?