Plans Fall Apart

I am trying SO HARD to be zen about this, but it's hard.

I really have tried hard to keep my personal life and my writing life separate, but clearly, at least for now, that is going to have to change. It is no secret I have depression and anxiety, mostly of the social anxiety variety. I've had it my whole life. About eight years ago, I hit bottom and I ended up going on meds--Effexor to be exact. The freedom I felt on Effexor was amazing. My brain felt balanced, I could write, and I felt less depressed and anxious. The drugs and talk therapy did wonders for me. Recently I changed meds, and zoloft, unfortunately, only covers half of what Effexor does for me, so I am extra spacey these days and more easily distracted--kind of like I was before I started Effexor in the first place.

I could switch back, but honestly, the switching to zoloft was so terrible because Effexor has the WORST withdrawal side effects, that if I switch back, I want it to be for good. So here I am, still on the zoloft and still easily distracted.

Yesterday and today was supposed to be for only working on A DEATH IN THE FAMILY. I had written up my notes, read my articles, did my research and it was time to actually dig in and write.

Then, about a MILLION different thoughts were crowded into my brain. This is why it's hard to work on my writing. I can't seem to focus on just one thing, and I get overwhelmed.

I believe this is because of the zoloft--I have no doubt about it. When I was on Effexor, I didn't have this problem, but now...


So I will try and muddle through--I did do some writing yesterday and tweaked a few things. I guess I just need to try and go with the flow and just work on it as much as I can.

Clearly, until my meds change, this is how it will be. I can be miserable because my brain isn't functioning the way it was before and not write and long for the good old days when I could write, write, write, or I can just go with how my brain is working right now, and write, and at least be writing.

I think that is more important now.

A DEATH IN THE FAMILY will be finished by not in a weekend. I will just keep plugging away at it.

Suspense--Terrible and Perfect

Part of working on a new draft of A DEATH IN THE FAMILY has been reworking a mystery involved in the play. I am NOT a mystery writer, but I need to figure out how to make it work better dramatically. So I've been doing a lot of research on mystery writing, and I am researching suspense right now. I came upon this very long but extremely helpful article: Ian Irvine on Suspense

The article prints out at 9 pages, but it's really helped me dig into the play and I've come up with a lot of things to work on this weekend with it. This is a good thing indeed.

Funny enough, I know this won't last--my depression is too unpredictable at this point to count on being able to write hot every day. Heck, it's less depression and more the nature of the beast of creating, but the depression just isn't helpful. But the last few days I have been plowing carefully through this article, and I think it's helping a lot.

Sure, like I mentioned in my last entry, there's a lot of stuff coming up about basically changing the ENTIRE play. But before, I was beating myself up over it. Now I am just writing it down as something that might be plausible to think about for the play.

Strange how that works.

And hopefully I can kick the mystery up a notch and really have the suspense be terrible. Terrible and perfect.

Brick Walls

I now remember why I was having such a hard time with A DEATH IN THE FAMILY. The part that I have been having a hard time with the mystery involved in the play.

Confession time: I do not know a thing about mysteries. I don't read them, I don't watch them generally, so I am venturing into all new territory.

Here is another problem I am running into--the temptation to change EVERYTHING. I know that sometimes that things will happen with writing and you end up basically starting all over again. I just don't know how much of it is just doubts based on some of the feedback I have gotten or if it's something the play really needs.

So I'm focusing on the mystery involved and will try and improve on that. And I have a curtain call I want to throw in, DRAGNET style.

I still feel good about the play--it's just always scary to go into new territory.